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In the dimly lit room, I sat huddled under my lamp as my fingers repeated the rhythmic movements of the needle disappearing and reappearing under the banarsi fabric while I carefully folded its edges, taming the wayward golden threads to patch it over a hole burnt in the citrine mysore silk lehnga (a wide-hemmed skirt). Accentuated with hundreds of golden sequins and zardozi work on its hem, shining whenever it caught the light of the lamp, the eight and a half yards of fabric seemed like a jeweled sea at my feet. Trying to be as quiet as possible, I imagined the joy I'd see in my sister's eyes who had gone to bed a while ago crying her eyes out over a dream dress gone to 'irreparable' disaster the night before Eid.
在昏暗的房间里，我蜷缩坐在灯下，手指一边重复着将针在 banarsi织物上有节奏地来回，一边小心地折叠它的边缘并将那根任性的金线修补在黄水晶色 mysore丝绸制的lehnga宽边裙上一个被烧毁的洞上。八码半宽的面料上镶嵌着的上百条金色亮片和下摆上的 zardozi 装饰在灯光照耀下，就如同宝石海般在我脚下熠熠生辉。我一边尽可能保持着安静，一边想象着我妹妹看到这条裙子时的喜悦之情。就在刚刚，她还因为这条梦寐以求的连衣裙在开斋节前一天晚上遭受了“无法挽回的”灾难而哭得死去活来。
Tying off the final loose thread, I held it up to the light, proud how her lehnga sparkled even more than before and quietly delivered to her room. Salvaging the day for my sister was a risk worth taking.
系好最后一根松散的线，我把这条lehnga裙举到灯光下，眼前的它比以前更光彩夺目。我悄悄地把它送到妹妹的房间。能在盛大的日子前救妹妹于水火，一切都是值得的。
The next morning as my sister fawned over the new design, came the reaction I was bracing for.
第二天早上，当妹妹拿到我的新设计时，她的反应正如我的期待。
"Is this what you were doing all night?”
“你整晚都在做这个？”
I could hear the disdain in my father's voice, disappointed over his son's 'feminine inclinations'. Something that has always gotten me in trouble with him, from ditching my toy cars to play with Barbie dolls to being too interested in my mother's makeup.
我从父亲的声音中听到了不屑，和他对儿子“女性倾向”感到的失望。那种我玩芭比娃娃而不是玩具车时他表现出的失望，那种我对我妈妈的化妆品表现出兴趣时他的失望。
"He's going to become a darzi (tailor) when he grows up!" my friends would snicker at my craftiness with the needle and thread.
“他长大后要成为一名darzi（裁缝）！”我的朋友看到我的针线时总会嘲笑我。
The pressure of fitting the stereotypical gender roles followed me everywhere - my teachers' snickers at declaring pink my favorite color, my friends' expressions when I talked about facials and manicures, and my mother's horror on spending more time organizing my wardrobe by color than playing in the street.
无论在哪儿，我都能感受到性别固化施加给我的压力——我的老师在宣告我最喜欢的颜色是粉色时的窃笑，当我谈论面部护理和美甲时我朋友的表情，和我母亲在花大量时间按颜色整理我的衣橱时表现出的恐惧。
The world that put clear lines between pinks and blues; barbies and hot wheels; being well kempt to manly ruggedness, had me confused. The overwhelming external stimulus was telling me that to fit in and to be accepted I had to hide my true self and mirror what is expected of me.
这个将粉色和蓝色之间的界限分得如此清晰、将芭比娃娃和玩具车视为对立、这个完全遵循男性就必须刚毅的世界让我困惑不已。一边倒的外部刺激告诉我，为了去适应并被接受，我必须隐藏真实的自我并表现出我所被期望的样子。
I tried to fit in, suppressing the fragments of interests resurfacing ever so often, to avoid eruption of ridicule. I brushed my passions away like pieces of leftover fabric.
我努力融入，时刻压抑自我，以免被嘲讽。我一块块擦除我的激情，就如同它们只是边角余料。
Just like that night when restoring my sister's dream brought my thread and needle out; my dreams broke to the surface again standing in front of the school notice board. My gaze fixed on the poster announcing the male modeling competition; I was already choosing between khaki chinos with crisp white Italian slim fit dress shirt paired with a sleek navy blazer or a black skinny necktie.
就如同那个晚上，我为了修补妹妹的梦而勇敢地拿起针线一般，当我站在学校告示牌前注视那张男模大赛海报时，我的梦想再次浮出水面。我纠结于究竟该在比赛时穿卡其色斜纹工装裤搭配清爽白色意大利修身正装衬衫和时尚海军蓝西装外套，还是黑色紧身领带。
As I filled in the form, I could imagine the field day of sly sarcastic jokes on my effeminate ways. But filling in that form was my catharsis - signing my name was my defiance to carry on a charade to hide my true self.
当我填写男模大赛申请表格时，我已经可以想象比赛当天我会因为我的阴柔而遭受的讽刺和讥笑。而填写那张申请表就是我宣泄的开始——签上我的大名，我决心不再伪装。
Winning the competition took out some of the sting from the jokes but it wasn't until a sense of liberation set in as the scissors of society's disapproval lost its sharp point. And while my father's disapproval still makes me falter in my tracks but I'd rather have him realize that I can be his son and still be my true self instead of trying to become someone neither of us would recognize in the end. The slightest glimmer in the corner of his eyes as I brought in my awards tells me that my hope is not displaced.
尽管赢得比赛消除了一些讥笑带给我的刺痛感，但随着我渐渐感受到周遭的歧视不那么锋利时，我才逐渐获得一种解放感。我知道，虽然父亲的反对仍将让我的人生步履蹒跚，但我真的希望在做回真的自己的同时又能成为他的儿子，而不是那个他和我都不认识的人。而从我带回奖品时，他眼角的一丝微光里，我看到了希望。
So, one after the other I collected stowed away pieces of myself that didn't fit the society's approval and using the thread of resilience I sewed them together for the fabric of my being to become a true reflection of everything I am and aspire to be.
一点一点地，我拾起那些被社会鄙夷的自我。然后用韧性做线绳，我将自我重新缝合。现在和未来，我将始终如此。
- 解析 -
缝补一件衣服，对一般人来说是件相当普通的事。但对于一个信仰宗教的家庭中的少年，这一举动就显得有些复杂。我们能预见到性别与阶级刻板印象形成的否定和对立，这样的个人牺牲通过种种细节直击读者心灵，例如笔者最喜欢的颜色是粉色，老师知道以后窃窃发笑；笔者表达自己对面部护理和美甲的兴趣时，身边朋友脸上匪夷所思的表情等。
尽管如此，笔者对自己爱好的强烈情感还是满溢出纸张。无论是对服装材质的准确定位还是缝制过程的惬意描写，他的文字体现了创造，表达了爱、展现了工艺手法、展示了文化传统，同时也传达了善意和关爱同胞的观念。
差异无时不有，无处不在，但是否能找到一个有新意的方式来化解差异呢？笔者找到了，通过良好掌握记叙和议论的度，他自豪地展示自己接纳自我的勇气，而没有选择妖魔化其他不坦诚的人。单单讨论个人的牺牲还不足以撑起文章的广度，笔者还将视野扩大至社会上的陈腐观念，例如男孩喜欢蓝色，女孩喜欢粉色；男孩喜欢玩具车，女孩喜欢芭比以及男孩子就是不爱干净，粗线条和不讲究等等。笔者的经验能切实影响到当今学子需要领悟的东西，那就是尝试跨越争论不休的鸿沟，努力建起一个和谐的社区。
